Grumble grumble grumble family simchas. When MB got home, I told him, “The good news is that we all now have something to wear to this bar mitzvah. The bad news is that you are now a LOT poorer.”
Okay, no whining, because most of that money was spent to outfit me, delicate Victorian flower that I am. But at least I will probably wear the just-purchased clothes more than once. (Okay, every time for the past 20 years that I’ve bought a little black dress I’ve sworn that I will be able to wear it to stupid events for the rest of my life. However. This time I REALLY MEAN IT. I’ll be able to wear this dress to stupid events for the rest of my life… or at least until such time as all the cousins in this generation have been bar mitzvahed, after which I WILL NO LONGER HAVE TO DRESS UP FOR STUPID EVENTS.) (Okay, yes, someday some of these children may get married according to their orientations and preferences, but BB has already informed me that if/when she gets married, it will be an “Ugly Clothes” wedding, and no one will have to look pretty, and tuxedos will NOT BE ALLOWED, unless someone really, really wants to wear a tuxedo, in which case she will shrug and say, “Hey, whatever.” And LG swears his wedding will be a picnic at which guests will wear jeans.)
So, okay, all that quality merchandise I bought for myself is going to get lots of wear, right? But then there’s LG’s new jacket. While I was disentangling it from the three layers of wrap in which it was interred, LG interrupted himself in the middle of a bitter monologue about jackets and events you have to dress up for to boggle at the price tag.
"EIGHTY DOLLARS?!?! For something I’m going to wear ONCE?"
I agreed that it was stupid, and admitted that I could have spent less money if (a) I had comparison-shopped, devoted some forethought and planning to it, or left myself enough time to not need extra-expensive rush shipping on teh internets (none of which I did, because, hello, passive-aggressive attendance at family simchas!); or (b) gone to Target.
"Oh, right," he said. "Because we don’t go to Target anymore, because they gave money to people who hate gay people."
"Exactly," I said.
"Well, in that case, it’s like you just made an $80 donation to not-hating gay people. If you look at it that way, it’s not that expensive at all, right?"
Uh. Yeah! Right!